oh hey

It's been forever since I blogged on here. I guess i've just been busy and stuff. I got back from europe on saturday which was pretty fun actaully. I also made a tumblr blog which is more for anyone who really wants to read it. I don't say all this personal stuff on there. So here it goes. The secret stuff. Sunday was a slap in the face for me. I was basically told by three of my closest friends that Teddy had been asking other people to hu while I was away. I mean we're not dating, so technically he could do whatever he wants, but he asked MY BEST FRIEND and my biggest enemy. WTF. He doesn't even realize how much that hurt me. And I wish I could say I didn't, but i resorted to my razor. I don't even know anymore. I felt as if I got over that months ago, but still, every so often I always find my way back to sitting on my bathroom floor crying. And it sucks when I think about it now. But in the moment, I feel free. It sounds so stupid, but I feel like everything wrong in my life is just releasing from my body. I couldn't help but think that teddy wanted to get with other girls, because i wasn't good enough, or pretty enough, or skinny enough. That I was just a complete back-up fail. I can't tell anyone this time around. Everyone thought I was over it, but I guess this is a secret between me and whoever may be reading this right now.